single modern tune of timeless
frat allure – Collide.
A capo on the third fret, a simple
strumming pattern and a tune that even your vocal chords
could carry, Howie’s
brainchild makes the cut. Then again, so did Kelly
Clarkson’s A Moment Like This. Try dropping
that on a lady and see how fast she can turn a campus against
you. Though Collide became instantly popular
with the guitar-toting fratters in the house, a lot of guys
continue to miss the boat.
They’re
plagued by bad memories—hazy at best—of choking in suit and tie on
a sorority lawn during pledgeship. You remember those days: shit-faced
on Kamchatka pulled from the bottle, slurring the few lyrics you could actually
remember. It didn’t exactly set the stage for a future of vocal courage. But
with Collide, everyone has a shot. On the right night, with the
right mood, with the right amount of alcohol, you just might pull it off. Follow
a few simple tips to turn an overplayed radio hit into a kick-ass display of
skills.
1. Wait for the right moment.
I break it out on Christmas formal over eggnog— my own special recipe of
one part nog, ten parts rum. Let’s be honest. You’ll
want to go liberal on the sauce. When your voice cracks on the falsetto
lines, everyone within earshot’s going to need
a healthy buzz to laugh it off.
2. Choose date wisely.
This is a song about a sensitive quiet guy who takes
second to a girl’s first impression. If your
gal asked you for rye whiskey, she’s not going
to tear-up. Rather she’s going to snoop
the house in search of the chief resident a-hole.
3.
Sing it like you mean it.
Ever notice how the guys who
swallow goldfish at Christmas formal always hook-up? It’s
not because fish breath is sexy. Its grit, guts,
balls – if
you’re going to sing this thing, you’ve gotta
belt it out like you’re in a German beer hall.
It’s
not the sorority lawn anymore; it’s your frat room during a formal with
everyone loopy from boozin’. You don’t have to be a spikey-haired
dude with black fingernail polish to score with the serenade. Hell, you
don’t even have to be a Navy pilot. Like all attempts involving
the fairer sex, the key is confidence.
Just don’t crash and burn, eh Mav?
Seth Kinnett’05 is
a frat-alum from DePauw University. He lives in Chicago.
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