Superficially, they are a race comprised of unblemished stretches of taut, collagen rich skin and perky sweater kittens. They tend to be lower maintenance, with only a few obligatory phone calls, a casual get together and a small trinket of affection from you to secure unrestricted access to the vag or at the very least blow jobs.

They are a feast for the eyes, mostly, with the exception of the chubby girl that thinks she is hot. For my money, that phenomenon is the saddest of the teenage plight. We have this girl, maybe with some admirable qualities; a pretty face, eyes, etc. but for the most part she is shaped like a Cadbury egg with worthless sacks of flesh hanging pendulously from a sunken chest, a gut like a fifth year senior in a party frat with a hook up for cheap beer and a common, sad tattoo above her non-existent ass.

Moving on, young girls can be a valued accessory much like a Sharpie or Fix-a-Flat. On one hand when you need a hot bitch to drape off you for one of the many social situations they are eager to please, a simple cranberry vodka treat and they are yours for the night, just ripe for deprecating, chided remarks and maybe a sample of the back of your hand – if it so thrills you. In this instance they are best kept silent as their commentary on Laguna Beach can make you look like a choad.

Another trait that makes them so desirable is that they are shamefully obedient. You, being the cool older guy, increase your status to some sort of demigod; anything you mutter instantly becomes scripture, leaving you to save your best material for your aged peers. A bonus to this juvenile awe is that they will remain faithfully loyal, leaving you to fuck around as much as your wang can take.

Now this young girl will have an after school job to be sure. But is it a job that you reap spoils from? Hmm? Maybe free sandwiches from Quiznos sure, but think bigger. What do all men dream about at least once in their lives ever since their first brown curly and when they pissed yogurt? Dating a stripper. Strippers are awful people filled with boiling contempt for humanity, but that takes several months. Take your young girl to a strip club, they will get liquored, awkwardly stagger up on the stage, shake their shit, have their Hello Kitty thong filled with dollars and then on the drive home you lay this on them. “You looked so hot up there; you should so do this all the time.” Bam, within the week you can say you’re totally banging a stripper, like a Kennedy.

Now you might be wondering; if this broad is all under your dick how can you have time to your self? Well friends let me break down the young girls’ psyche:

1. She is still under the impression that meanness equals fancy
2. She will seek validation from anywhere to pad a faltering self esteem.
3. Reason does not apply to any ill situation nor will conversation fix said situation
4. They operate in only the basic emotions of love or hate
5. Peer pressure is the drive behind their moral compass

So with these nuggets of information you can guide your potential problem with the girl to a fine finish without a scene or explosion of drama. The inevitable conclusion to young girl liaisons is that ultimately they come to a close. The bonus to this is that she is oblivious to that fact. With the information provided you can employ one or all of the five points to your benefit. Using the first point, call her all the time – she calls you “clingy” and you’re out. Point two, get one of your friends to fuck around with her then she is his problem. Three, be more than loquacious and astute in everyday activities – it will remind her of school and school is lame. Four, be completely ambiguous in regards to your feelings for her, leaving her to be “Hurt and confused” this will lead her to point five and one of her nay saying tricks of her clique will talk her out of fucking with you.

There ya go – easy as that you too can seek an ego-enhancing fling with a young girl. Afterward you will feel refreshed as if bathed in spring water with lots of those beads from Bath and Bodyworks. I recommend a young girl between semesters or when any stress gets you down. I also suggest keeping some handy for “Bra and Thong” parties and the like, as there is no ass finer than barely legal ass.

Out