a signal to end the night, so the "my
girl likes to party all the time" vibe disappears
quicker than Eddie Murphy's ability to choose a script.
And most importantly, this is as drunk as these girls
are going to be, so you may not be able to trick them
into thinking you're attractive.
This is a time for the Hail Mary. Most
guys have had one - the 80-yard chuck into the end zone
that somehow gets caught by the right receiver. It's a
miracle pass that, when it actually works, surprises the
guy who called the play.
The first strategy I recommend is the
offer of the ride home. Before you try this, make sure
you have a car with you or she'll get pretty pissed. If
you're a big drinker, this is not a good idea - nothing
is less attractive than watching someone get detained
by the police. This is much better than offering her a
walk home, since she would only want to walk with a guy
to protect her from sketchy guys like you. When you do
drive her home, look for a parking spot before you get
past her door. If you drive straight to her door, even
if she invites you in, circling the block a few times
kind of kills the mood.
Another tested strategy is the last minute
cigarette. If you're not a smoker, I don't recommend you
taking up the habit just for this, but I have seen the
occasional last call woman that is worth a little bit
of lung cancer. This works best in a place that has banned
smoking, since you can bond over how much you hate the
mayor/city councilman/your parents.
If you have a little more prep time, I'd
recommend buying a ridiculous pet. I have met many guys
who own bunny rabbits, but never one that likes bunny
rabbits. If you want to get a girl you just met back to
your place, you need an extremely compelling reason to
get here there. The 4th season of MASH on DVD isn't going
to do it, and neither is the thought of having sex with
you, so get a rabbit.
And if you don't drive, smoke, or own
an exotic animal, just be foreign. You don't have to be
from another country - just be exotic to your location.
If you're on the east coast, be from Los Angeles. If you're
on the west coast, be from New York. The important part
is to talk about how the bars close MUCH later where you're
from, and you need someone to guide you to an after party.
You can even offer to host the party at your "friend's"
place where you're staying. Besides, he's got a really
cool rabbit she should see.
Steve Hofstetter is the author of the Student Body Shots
books, which are available at SteveHofstetter.com.
E-mail him at steve@stevehofstetter.com.
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