adopting Punky. But I'm certainly suggesting
it.
What a disturbing premise. That show would
never be on the air now, since we have Megan's Law. And
when I was researching this column, I found this under
trivia: "During the whole run of the show, Henry's
bedroom is not shown." That is just a normal quote,
thrown in between trivia about where Punky's dog got its
name and how the sets were changed mid-season. Oh yeah
- and the old single guy? We never saw his bedroom. I
can only imagine how much leather was in there.
The best part of this column is that I'm
taking a completely innocent show like Punky Brewster
and ruining it for you.
Think I'm crazy? There are a number of
lines in the theme song that make me think Henry was a
long lost member of the Jackson family.
"Maybe the world is blind" could
be a line about how little the world cares for the suffering
of children. Or about how the world just doesn't understand
the relationship a single, older man can have with a young
girl. And leather.
Two lines later: "You may be lonely
and then one day you're smiling again." Sure. Before
Megan's Law.
And it gets even worse. "Every time
I turn around, I see the girl that turns my world around."
I could read TONS into this one. But I don't want to think
about what Henry was doing in the same room with his back
to that poor kid.
Punky Brewtser was not the only adoption
show in the 1980s. Different Strokes featured an old single
man adopting two boys, which would be even sketchier.
Thankfully Mr. Drummond married Maggie and we knew things
were okay. In fact, Different Strokes had a very special
episode where the boys get kidnapped by a child molester
- dealing with the issue head on. Was there any child
molester episode of Punky Brewster? Nope! Unless you count
all of them. I for one, do not want to see a very special
episode of this sick, sick show.
My parents adopted a baby girl before
I was born, and I think adoption is a wonderful thing.
I'm not saying that single men should not be allowed to
adopt. But when an older gentleman who lives alone and
seems to really like young girls shows up at the agency
in a cardigan, more red flags should go up than in the
stands at a Manchester United game.
The other main adoption show on the 1980s
included Alvin and the Chipmunks, a show about a single
guy who adopts three chipmunks and raises them as humans.
You never saw his bedroom either.
I bet I am the first person to devote
this much column space to detailing the creepiness of
Punky Brewster. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that
a show where a lonely guy suddenly smiles at the thought
of a young girl turning his world around is just icky.
Maybe I'm the only one who sees it.
But maybe the world is blind.
Steve Hofstetter is the author of the Student Body Shots
books, which are available at SteveHofstetter.com.
E-mail him at steve@stevehofstetter.com.
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