suspected terrorists who also happened
to be American citizens. You probably know this if you
own a radio, a TV, or a newspaper. People are talking
about it, too. I found out because I had my neighbor's
phone tapped and he mentioned it while discussing plans
to overthrow the government.
I'm kidding, of course. And I need to
say that so men in suits don't show up at my door and
steal me.
"Why are you arresting me?"
"You've been implicated in terrorist
activity. And we don't like what you wrote about Punky
Brewster."
The basic facts are thus: wire tapping
without a warrant is illegal, no matter what office you
hold. Bush admitted to knowledge of wire tapping without
a warrant. Bush also said the tapping was okay because
he asked for approval first. That was right before I fell
out of my chair laughing. And that was right before I
checked the weather in Canada.
Damn, still cold. I guess I'll stick around.
Look, I am fiercely patriotic, but one
of my favorite parts about America is that we're allowed
to say what we want. Even if it does implicate Punky's
father in a molestation scandal. And right now I need
to say this - George W. Bush needs to be stopped.
I am not criticizing republicans. I am
not criticizing you. I am criticizing a man who thinks
breaking the law is okay simply because he asked permission.
Ever speed? Try this: "Officer, I
know I was doing 80 in a 35. But congress said it was
okay."
Republicans, if you're reading this (and
judging from my hatemail, you are), you have to find this
tapping incident as wrong as I do. Defend the war, the
economic policies, the anti-gay marriage bills, the handling
of the hurricanes. But do NOT defend this. Being a republican
now should be like being a Warriors fan the week after
Latrell Sprewell choked PJ Carlesimo. I have no problem
with you blindly supporting the uniform, but sometimes
you have to throw your hands up, ditch your star player
and rebuild.
Not following me? Well, follow this. Bush
said that what he did was okay because of the war we're
fighting. You know, the one with Iraqistan. His basic
reasoning was that if we want to win this war, we have
to monitor suspected terrorists, even if we didn't suspect
them of terrorism when we granted them citizenship. You
know what a suspected terrorist is? Someone who the government
THINKS might be a terrorist. Why would the government
not know for sure if this person was a terrorist? Because
there's no proof - if there was, they wouldn't be suspected.
Americans are being monitored because someone in a government
agency decided that these people may or may not be involved
in terrorist activity. And some of them may be. But some
of them may just be regular Americans.
The common defense I've heard is that
if you haven't done anything wrong, then a wiretap shouldn't
worry you. Except for that pesky privacy thing. I don't
do anything the government would get upset about, but
I don't want them knowing everything I say. I like my
privacy. And if you're still not with me, how about this:
imagine the government barging in on you while you're
going to the bathroom. Unless you have a herpetic outbreak,
you have nothing to worry about, right? Except for that
pesky privacy thing.
Lets say we catch all of the terrorists,
and stamp out terrorism forever. Yay, bravo, amazing,
bully for us. That would be a huge step towards world
peace but at the expense of our privacy. Is that worth
it? You decide.
Go ahead - I'm listening.
Steve Hofstetter is the author of the Student Body Shots
books, which are available at SteveHofstetter.com.
E-mail him at steve@stevehofstetter.com.
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