alcohol. Wrong again, my naïve
reader. My college friends will not want to spend time
with a 17 year old high school senior who can’t
get into the bars and clubs in their college towns, with
the highest bouncer populations in the nation. Strike
three! Or two. I don’t know, who keeps up with those
things anyway?
I guess I will just have to find some things to do to
hold me over until my own graduation. I’ve come
up with a list of things to do over the next year:
1) Be on MTV’s Made
– Doesn’t that sound like a great idea? Only
one problem: what do I get made into? A surfer? A guitarist?
A porn star? I don’t think that’s important;
all that really matters is that I get on the TV show.
2) Lead a Movement at my High School
– I think I have an idea for this. Our yearbook
has been late the past few years. And when I say late,
I mean I received my sophomore yearbook last summer, and
I won’t receive my junior yearbook until this upcoming
year. The chances of me doing anything about it are slim
to none...ok, they are exactly 0%, but that isn’t
important either.
3) Have a Threesome – Yes, it’s
the illusive high school threesome. Many kids dream about
it, but few make it happen. This may seem like it is out
there, but it is much more probably than numbers 1 and
2.
4) Dodge the Draft – With our current
Republican dominated government and the war it is still
fueling, the draft may, though very unlikely, come up
soon. Just in case it does, I’m going to add this
to my list so I remember to dodge it.
5) Guest Write an Episode of Family Guy
– My friends tell me I can do it, but what do they
know? I’ve been told that I am a funny guy, though
I am sure many of you (especially those reading this)
would disagree. Regardless, I think I could definitely
help out that good man Seth MacFarlane.
6) Record a Platinum Album under the alias Ghost
Boy – Following in the footsteps of Vanilla
Ice is never a good idea, unless you are Eminem. I, however,
will break this tradition and be the first great white
rapper since…well, has there ever been one? I’m
sure my breakout hit, “The KKK is Terribizzle”,
will win the hearts of women and children everywhere.
7) Catch the World’s Biggest Freshwater
Fish – I am not a big fan of fishing, but
how dare those Asian people beat us Americans! No, I am
not racist, I just think that with all of the mutant chickens
at KFC, we could have some gigantic fish.
8) Stay Sober – Everyone says it’s
hard to stay sober in college, but dude, it’s not
an easy task in high school. Though it is rare, we actually
have keg parties from time to time. Sure, that may be
a common occurrence at college, but it’s new to
the high school scene. Well, maybe it’s just new
to THIS high school scene, since I live in a redneck town.
9) Get a Life – As you have probably
figured out by now, I have no life. I am writing an article
for a website at 2 AM for no apparent reason. I think
this should be #1 on my list.
And that’s the end of my things
to do list. I probably won’t accomplish any of these,
but it never hurts to dream. Unless that dream is taking
place during a shark attack, in which case I would recommend
waking up.
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