The Redneck Games, featuring events
like bobbing for pig feet, the mud-pit belly flop, and
the armpit serenade, are currently in their tenth year
in Georgia. For the last three years, organizers have
had to keep track of the anniversaries by counting the
fingers on the hands of two of the participants. The event
is covered by Redneck World Magazine, estimated to have
350,000 subscribers and 27 readers.
A Pennsylvania teenager was arrested for
riding a bicycle in nothing but sandals. Cops later discovered
the bike to be stolen, though I'm guessing the original
owner doesn't want it back.
In Santa Barbara, A 14-year-old pedigreed
Chinese crested named Sam won the annual World's Ugliest
Dog contest for the third straight year. Sam's only hair
is on his head, his snout is equipped with a line of warts,
his blind eyes are white, and his teeth jut out at all
angles. However, Sam's friends insist he has a great personality.
South Carolina barbecue chain "Sticky
Fingers" purchased stickyfingers.com for $6,000 from
pornographers in order to prevent patrons from accidentally
stumbling onto the nude pictures. Several patrons were
outraged at the purchase saying, "that was the only
reason I ate there."
A Salt Lake City woman sold a tattoo on
her forehead for $10,000 in order to pay for her child's
private school. The Utah child, who now has a mother with
a forehead that reads "GoldenPalace.com," is
choosing between private schools in Maine and Alaska.
A West Virginia woman pleaded guilty to
smuggling pot to her jailed fiancé in their baby's
diaper. Prison guards were alerted to the scam when the
man proclaimed, "this pot smells like crap!"
A New York City school teacher resigned
after it was discovered that his sick days were used to
tour with the WWE instead of caring for an ill sister,
like he claimed. The wrestler says it didn't hurt his
job and the kids tested well "because I taught them!,"
while investigators allege the kids scored high because
"they knew he could eat them!"
An man's bid of $351,100 won him a private
lunch with Omaha's billionaire investor Warren Buffet.
Buffet's first piece of investment advice to the bidder
will be how to get lunch for under a quarter of a million
dollars.
A Kentucky man was arrested for the second
time in two months for DUI, both times while on horseback.
A third strike could force the man to relinquish his horse
and return to the 1830s.
And in more driving news, authorities
arrested a repeat offender in Minnesota for driving his
motorcycle over 205 miles per hour. Police charged him
with speeding, reckless driving, violating his probation,
and being totally badass.
In recently declassified documents, former
US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger referred to Indira
Ghandi as a "bitch" and the Indian people "bastards."
The remarkable thing is not the comments or the apology
Kissinger made thereafter, it's that anyone could understand
anything Kissinger said.
And so that Americans don't feel completely
responsible for the world's problems, I should tell you
about Sanjai Shah, a Kenyon man who has been living at
an airport in Nairobi for the last year while waiting
for British citizenship. Shah said his ordeal wasn't easy,
having to sleep on uncomfortable chairs and eat bad food.
He is looking forward to starting a life in England, where
they have very comfortable chairs.
Steve Hofstetter is the author of the
Student Body Shots books, which are available at SteveHofstetter.com.
E-mail him at steve@stevehofstetter.com.
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