Then he started talking all educated,
and I shut it off.
As an American, it's my right to fear
and attack people different than me, and it's about time
someone in a flannel shirt with no sleeves said so. Git-R-Done!
I don't know exactly what that means, but other people
are yelling it, so I will, too!
I'm glad, as an average American, I don't
live in a major city. Even though the 2000 census said
that more than three quarters of Americans live in urban
areas, I don't believe that because the census was done
by the government, and the government is out to get you.
Unless it's run by a good ol boy like me. George Bush
is a good ol boy, right? That stuff about him growing
up rich and going to some fancy college is just propaganda
from the left-wing media.
That damned left-wing media controls everything.
If it weren't for Fox News and MSNBC, sometimes CNN, and
the WWE, us real Americans would have nothing to watch.
Thank the lord that Comedy Central has finally given us
weekend blocks of the programming that we, as typical
Americans, must want.
Even though I am afraid of technology
and change and original thought, I am happy that cable
allows me to watch these things from my town. I don't
want to have to move to some Yankee city like Atlanta
or Nashville. I am proud to be where I am - sucking down
six packs, ignoring my wife, and subsisting on a diet
of gravy and ranch dressing that will make sure I don't
see my son grow up to be as ignorant as I am. Not that
even I'd realize the irony. Git-R-Done!
I am glad that I don't know that Larry
the Cable Guy's real name is Dan Whitney, and that he's
from the Midwest, and not the South. He says he picked
up his accent when he moved to Florida, though I'm glad
I've never heard him talk off camera because then I'd
know it wasn't really his accent. I am especially glad
not to know that Dan's first bunch of characters also
included a gay man and an old Jewish lady, but Larry was
the one typical Americans like me responded to.
There is one thing that annoys me about
that tour. Ron White, the gentleman in the suit with the
whiskey and the cigar (pronounced
CEE-gar) keeps saying smart things with clever punch lines
that I haven't heard other people say. It's almost like
they put him on that tour just so the smarter people in
the room wouldn't get bored when Larry told jokes making
fun of black people. I like it better when the other fellers
tell jokes I've known since before they started doing
comedy. Those jokes are familiar. Like my life, since
I never challenge myself. That's the fun part about being
a typical American - my laziness is celebrated now!
I also like Bill Engvall. I just can't
get enough jokes about how men do dumb things and wives
are demanding. But my favorite one is Larry. He tells
the truth, and speaks his mind. Even though he speaks
it in a voice that's not his own, and he told Newsweek
that the majority of his material is fabricated. But a
guy like me would never read Newsweek, and if someone
showed me a copy, I'd say it was lies and blame it on
the liberal media. Git-R-Done!
I'm okay with the network's assertion
that anyone who grew up in a rural area or has a job that
involves manual labor is a moron. After all, I'm too stupid
to understand the inadvertent social commentary behind
those jokes. And I'm not just okay with it, I think it's
hi-larious! And though the phrase Blue Collar should insult
me coming from people with private jets and mansions,
I don't think that far ahead. If I did, I could see those
punch lines coming, too.
So bring it on, Comedy Central! Us typical
Americans want to see more marathons of Blue Collar Comedy!
And while you're at it, can you get rid of that Jon Stewart
guy? Anyone in a suit scares me.
Steve Hofstetter is the author of the
Student Body Shots books, which are available at SteveHofstetter.com.
He can be e-mailed at steve@stevehofstetter.com. |
