does
it whenthey have to do it, and we’re
very good at delaying the act of doing.
There’s an old joke
about procrastinators working hard to
avoid working, and that happens constantly.
But in my case, I simply sat there and
didn’t start writing this column
until I knew I had to because, well, I
knew I didn’t have to.
On Saturday I was sick
– still sneezing from the cold I
picked up the previous week, probably
aided by my putting off going to sleep.
Sunday I was too tired, certainly aided
by my putting off going to sleep. I did,
however, have time to watch The Matrix:
Revolutions, which is silly since I haven’t
seen The Matrix: Reloaded. I want to,
but I keep putting it off.
I finally sat down to
write this in the lobby of Jiffy Lube,
where I’m getting my oil changed
after first seeing the oil light pop up
on my car two months ago. The oil light
went on and off a number of times, so
I figured I was okay until the light stayed
on. And I haven’t driven this car
in the last two months, so there was no
harm done. The light started going on
permanently two days ago, so I finally
decided to change my oil today, mainly
because I happen to drive by a Jiffy Lube
on my way back from the bank.
I went to the bank for
two reasons: One, to deposit the check
I’ve wanted to deposit for the past
four days. I had to do that today because
the last check I waited to deposit still
hasn’t cleared, probably because
someone at the bank waited to deposit
it until the last possible minute. So
I figured I ought to deposit a few more
bucks so that the new amount will clear
just in time for me to need it. The second
reason was to buy a money order. A month
ago my friend, while driving my car, got
a traffic ticket that is due in two days,
so when I send the money order overnight
tomorrow morning, they’ll get it
just in time. Last possible minute –
that’s the credo.
Now that I think about
it, my friend was speeding because we
were running late for a show, stuck in
traffic that afternoon after checking
out of the hotel at the last possible
minute. Actually, it was an hour after
the last possible minute, because we asked
for a late check out. We knew ahead of
time that we’d be behind time. The
hotel was able to grant us the late checkout
because housekeeping never starts making
the beds on time anyway.
The ticket came at the
end of the month, along with many other
tickets for many other drivers. The police
probably had a lot of tickets to give
out, since they’d been putting them
off the whole month. I guess procrastination
makes the world go round - just a few
minutes later than it would have otherwise.
So now I’m forced
to write a column in the lobby of a Jiffy
Lube, which is good because I didn’t
have anything else to do. Though I just
spent the last five minutes watching the
Cosby Show on the lobby monitor instead
of writing this column. I’d seen
that episode already but it was still
something to do that wasn’t the
work I was supposed to do. Now that there’s
an episode of The Parkers on, I’m
writing again.
I was originally thinking
of writing a column on how Michael Jackson
was late to his trial but I decided not
to because that column would take some
researching online. And I don’t
have a web connection here, so I’d
have to put off finishing the column until
later and I’m just not the kind
of person who would do that. Because when
I get home, I want to watch SportsCenter
instead.
A brief tangent: I found
Michael Jackson’s lateness to be
almost as ridiculous as his, well, everything
he’s ever done. No matter how much
I procrastinate, I still arrive in time.
I’m obsessive about that, mainly
in response to my upbringing. I’ll
put it this way – I was born three
minutes before my due date, which was
the last time my parents were early for
anything.
But I digress. I really
should start writing my column.
Steve
Hofstetter is the author of the Student
Body Shots books, which are available
at SteveHofstetter.com.
He can be e-mailed at steve@stevehofstetter.com.
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