We all know that law enforcement jerks are choads anyway you slice them. They can be security guards with shiny badges protecting the Winn-Dixie or a member of the FBI sitting behind a desk armed with a civil engineering degree from a college in the same mall as a Snip and Clip. I want to know why so many of these quitters are police officers? Is it the same compulsion that makes all dudes with flecked hair shop at the Buckle? A force that makes the most miserable chuds become gun carrying sadists that are told to be that way by the people that YOU voted into office? It’s not just here folks look at cops in Germany and Russia. They will kill you and dump your body in the snow with your pants around your ankles. We all can relate to being hassled for stupid inconsequentialities by 5-0. Speeding, drug trafficking, human smuggling, manslaughter, all these silly little things that could totally be brushed away with a “Boys will be boys” but no, they have to be dicks.

I used to be a teenager and it was fun. I just sat around playing Sega, drinking three liters of generic red soda and not being tazered, gassed or shot by some UFC watching cop. Apparently as a rite of passage teenagers now have to deal with police akin to Sylvester Stallone in Cobra. He will shoot you if you hang around in his grocery store. Watch the news as some mouthy ass girl gets a shot in the face (lol) with pepper spray, which I can see. But the dozens of kids that have been electrocuted in the last three months for being children is asinine. Lets bring in the shootings as well, picture this: You’re fourteen enjoying puberty, your buddy got a porn mag from his dad you will beat off to later and life is good. You’re heading to this party where you’ll eat an assload of pizza, feel up a little honey dip with greasy hands then watch Degrassi. Ah! What’s this? A sheriff is shooting my friends up! Do you want some pizza officer? Yea, it’s got onion. Ah my chest! Now I whistle from my torso! Some silly officer in Wisconsin killed a bunch of kids for no other reason than because he hated fun pizza parties. Goddamn him.

>>Continue Reading!